Catching up…again. December 8, 2010

That seems to be what life is all about lately. Running full speed, yet never seeming to be able to catch up.

My poor blog. Good thing I don’t write for others.

But in case there’s anyone else out there reading, and for me in the future if I ever need to spark my memory, the past few months have involved…

• Going back to Haiti with my daughter and husband. HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR. We did a construction team, and it was very different from doing a medical clinic in that with medical you see people once, maybe twice. But in construction, you are working where the family lives and see them day after day. You see how they live, and the difficulties they face. And their life is VERY difficult. No running water, no toilets, no electricity. They cook outside over a small fire. Yet they are so, so joyous and laugh lots. The children loved the texture of mine and Keri’s hair, since it was so different from theirs. They eventually got to the point that they would take off our caps and take down our ponytails and run their fingers through our hair. We were there 8 days, and it seemed like less. Yes it was incredibly hot, and our own living accommodations weren’t what we were used to. We were basically camping – sleeping in tents, no electricity at night and thus no fans – but we acclimated quickly. I’m going back.
• We also have dealt with the arrest of our daughter. It grieves me to say that. But she made a very foolish choice, and drove after she’d had too much to drink. That was the hardest night of my life, ever. There’s been so many lessons learned in this for her, and I have to say that though I am not proud of her choice to drive after drinking, she has made me proud in the way she is handling the consequences.
• And, we have met our son’s partner and have even invited him into our home on a number of occasions. I am thankful that Kris has had the sensitivity to not include Mike in our extended family holiday dinners, and I can imagine that this makes it difficult for him and I appreciate his handling of the situation. I have nothing against Mike as a person, and he does seem very genuine and compassionate. But every time I hear something about their life together it is like nails on a chalkboard, and I have to pray that I see Mike as God sees him – as a creation of the Lord’s.

Well, that’s a wrap for now. I’ve been fighting the 11-day virus and I’m wiped out!

The next step August 31, 2010

Kris came over to talk with us tonight. He told us he and his ‘partner’ (I don’t know what else I can call him) are moving in together.

I had a feeling this was coming. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

Who knew? August 29, 2010

The past several months I have been very depressed. I didn’t realize just how depressed I’d been until I started feeling better. In recent days, I have noticed more energy and that constant black fog is no longer encompassing me. As I look back on the past several months, I can see how immobilized I was by depression.

I still went through my daily life, still got things done – but it was an effort, and there was no joy. Even in Haiti, in the midst of a spiritual renewal, there was still depression.  There was so much hopelessness, and honestly just thoughts of “I don’t want to do this anymore.” No plans, no desire to act on that thought, but it was there.

I hated feeling like that, but no matter how hard I tried I just could not break through that fog.

Recently I had some blood work done for a medical issue, and when it came back my Vitamin D level was low. Not enough that the doctor said anything about it, but I noticed it when going over my labs.

Looked up what it meant – and one of the symptoms of low Vit. D is depression.

So, I started immediately taking a supplement plus getting outside in the sun for at least 15 minutes a day.  After just a couple of weeks, I noticed an improvement in my attitude, in my spirit, in my energy level and thought processes.

Now that I’m working my way through that fog (I know I’m not all the way out of it yet) I can see how thickly wrapped in its tentacles I’d become. People had started asking me frequently if I felt okay. It is scary now, looking back, to see how insidious that fog is, and how it just sneaks up on you until it’s ensnared you in its grasp.

Praying for all those trapped by depression and hopelessness.

Update August 26, 2010

Life has been crazy lately. No crazier than for anyone else, I’m sure…but crazier than I’ve been able to handle.

I did go to Haiti, and was shocked, saddened, and at the same time uplifted by all that I experienced there. Haitians are a remarkable people. But there is not nearly enough being done to help them. Five months after the earthquake, and there were still buildings falling down into the street and debris everywhere.

And the tents. Oh my word, tents everywhere you looked. And for some, I use the word ‘tents’ loosely. There were tablecloths, sheets, tarps thrown over sticks or rods to hold it up.

This is the rainy season for Haiti. And it is also hurricane season. Having gone through Ike in a strong brick house, I cannot imagine the horror of knowing that a storm is coming with only a tent for shelter.

All that to say – I have been called to go back, taking a team with me to build a house. Sam and Delores, the missionaries we worked with, have developed a plan for building transitional housing. A team of 6 – 8 can build a house for a Haitian family in one week.

And so, that’s what we’re doing. Mark is going with me, and we are blessed to also have our daughter on our team. We leave Sept. 18, and will be coming back Sept. 25.

In between the first Haiti trip and this one, we’ve had a major fund-raiser for the clinic, netting $22,000; my brother has had a heart attack and other severe health problems; my daughter has made a very, very foolish choice that is costing her in more ways than one, consequently costing us; we have flown to Chicago and moved our son and daughter-in-law back to Texas; and I have been asked to speak at several different venues (public speaking is NOT my favorite thing to do!).

In the midst of all this, the enemy has managed to attack me and depression has wound its nasty tentacles into my life.

But I’m fighting.

Going to Haiti! April 22, 2010

Yep! I’m going to Haiti. When I was 18, dating the man I married, going to nursing school, and having worked in 2 mission trips to Mexico, I wanted to go to a foreign country and serve my Lord as a missionary nurse.

That didn’t happen. We got married, I graduated from nursing school, and the Lord took my life in a different direction. We started our family, and God just didn’t call us to serve overseas. He didn’t even call me to practice nursing.

Thirty-four years later, the dream is now becoming a reality.

ONE DAY after I applied for my passport ‘just to have one’, I got a phone call that someone I know was going to Haiti. I made a comment about wanting to go. Not really meaning it, not thinking “I want to do this.”  The next day, he called me back and said they needed someone else for the trip. In less than 5 minutes, Mark and I talked it over and I said I’d go.

Remember, at that point I had applied for my passport just a few days prior. I was told passport processing was a 4-6 week process. The trip was in 8 weeks.

Two weeks from the day I applied, I had my passport in my hand.

If that wasn’t God confirming that I am meant to go on this trip, I don’t know what it is.

Dipping my toe back in the blogging pool February 23, 2010

Trying my hand at answering Linda’s meme.

1.Have you ever fired a gun or shot a bow and arrow?
I’ve shot a ‘real’ gun only once. I have a BB gun I use to run off the occasional animal. (We live in the country.) I’ve only shot a play bow and arrow, and that was a long long time ago.
2. Do you know where your childhood best friends are?
I had 2 ‘best friends’ growing up.  My best friend from my elementary years has passed away. My best friend from high school is now living in Lesotho, a country surrounded by South Africa.
3. Do you usually arrive early, late, or on time?
Early. Our music pastor says it best….”Early is on time, and on time is late.”

4. Are you more of a New York or California type?
Are you asking if I’m uptight or laid back? I’m more middle country.

5. Do you have a special ring tone?
I just set Brandon Heath’s “Give Me Your Eyes” as my ringtone. That song has special meaning to me. I run a non-profit dental clinic, and that is my prayer every day before we see patients. That I will see the patients through God’s eyes and love them with His heart.

6. What is your favorite type of chip?
Poker. Just kidding. I’m Baptist. 🙂  I think my all-time fav is BBQ although my current fav – and I try to stay far, far away – is Salt and Black Pepper.

7. Best comedy you’ve ever seen is ….
Questions like this stress me out. I don’t remember movies 30 minutes after I’ve seen them. So I don’t know.

8. Have you ever cut your own hair? To quote Dr. Phil, “How’d that work for ya?”
Why yes I have. If you count bangs. But that’s it.

9. If you were going to have an extreme makeover, would you rather it be about your house or your personal self?
Right now it would be my house.  I’m pretty satisfied with how I look. Right now.

10. Are you allergic to anything?
Yes. Dust, mold, mildew. I take allergy shots. And drugs.

11. Why is it so hard to change?
Shall I get on my soapbox? Change is hard because it’s not comfortable. It’s new. We – humans – are lazy. We want the easy way out, and anything having to do with change is NOT the easy way. Okay, I’ll get off now.

12. One last question dedicated to February love: CS Lewis said, “To love is to be vulnerable.” Please share one example of that assertion or share any thought you’d like to about this topic.
Hmmm….this could get very personal and very long.  Anyone who loves, who opens their heart, is vulnerable. You can’t love without being vulnerable. You just can’t.

Insight December 3, 2009

Last night Mark was riled up about the war, and the President’s recent decision to continue sending troops. He thinks this is a war that is not ‘win-able’.  I honestly had not come to my own conclusion about it, and it stresses me out to think that there’s one more thing I should be knowledgable about. I felt completely overwhelmed for some reason.

Anyway, this morning I woke up with a clearer head, and have to say I agree with him.

But that doesn’t mean I do not support our troops and the men/women called to serve our nation.

Just yesterday, I watched with pride and sorrow as hundreds and hundreds of people lined the streets of our town to honor one soldier coming home to be buried. A little over a year ago, our daughter-in-law’s best friend lost her husband in the war.

I fully and completely support, pray for, and commend our soldiers.

Yet I cannot agree with continuing this war. I do not think we should send more people over there to fight.

And it’s the same way with my son. The son who says he is a homosexual, and pursuing a lifestyle I cannot agree with.

I love our soldiers, I do not love the war.

I love my son, I do not love his lifestyle.

Why I was late for church… November 30, 2009

On my way to church yesterday morning I saw something so unexpected I knew I had to get pictures so people would believe me. Especially considering the holiday that just passed. I looked up the road just past our house, and saw what appeared to be the classic silhouette of a turkey. I got closer, and saw this…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quickly followed by…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not one but THREE!

I had been taking pictures out my front window, which apparently was quite dirty. I got a little closer and rolled down my side window to take pics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They kept getting closer and closer to my car…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Until I thought this one was going to jump in with me! I rolled up my window and sped away only to look in my mirror and see…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were chasing after me!  I shared these pics with some of the hunters I know, and they were incredibly jealous.

I am hoping the turkeys have gone into hiding.

Thanksgiving meme November 25, 2009

Lidna’s Thanksgiving meme!

 1. Are you sticking to traditional Thanksgiving foods this year, or are you being culinarily adventurous? Mostly traditional – maybe some surprises but you never can tell when 20+ people contribute to the meal!

2. Tell me something concrete that you’re thankful for. (Something you can literally touch, see, etc., not a concept like “hope.”) Does the weather qualify? It is absolutely beautiful – cool (for us!) and clear. High tomorrow 65. Which brings me to the second thing I’m thankful for – this warm, wireless laptop!

3. You knew the flip side was coming: Share about something intangible that you’re thankful for. The unspoken, sometimes incomprehensible ways my husband shows his love for me.

4. Share one vivid Thanksgiving memory. It doesn’t have to be deep or meaningful, just something that remains etched in your memory. Last year – eating Thanksgiving “dinner” at a hospital McD’s. Realizing how much we had to be thankful for in that our son’s injuries were severe, were not life-threatening.

5. What is one thing that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt is going to happen this Thanksgiving because it always does, year after year? Consuming too many calories! With lunch at husband’s parent’s and dinner at mine, it’s unavoidable.

6. Do your pets get any left-overs? Our one cat will probably get a little turkey.

7. Does your family pray before the big meal? If so, do you join hands while seated, stand, repeat a formal prayer or offer a spontaneous prayer? Who does the praying? Yes, we pray holding hands in a circle. At the in-law’s, it is usually my father-in-law who prays. At my family’s, it is usually my husband.

8. Will you be watching football in the afternoon? If not, what will you be doing? The guys will watch football – the women usually talk. I’m taking the game “Apples to Apples” and my daughter and I will coerce others to play. 🙂 We did this at my mom’s last year and it was a HUGE hit.

9. There are two distinct camps of people on this issue: How do you feel about oysters in the dressing/stuffing? There are recipes that call for oysters in the dressing?

10. Do you consider yourself informed about the first Thanksgiving? semi-informed. I’m just glad we’ve expanded the menu!

11. Which variety of pie will you be enjoying? Buttermilk and pecan, baby!!!

12. Do you feel for the turkey?? Only when I think about him…her???

An Attack October 24, 2009

Recently, I was reading in Luke. Chapter 18, verse 1 says that Jesus was telling the disciples a story to illustrate that they need to always be in prayer, and never give up hope. And I realized that sometimes prayer is so hard for us to ‘get into’ because that is the one thing that Satan wants so desperately to destroy for us – that fellowship, that communion between us and God when we pray, when we are face to face with Him.

Now, a little background story; I had been looking forward to this weekend, when I would have all three of my children together for the first time in months. The weather had turned cool and was absolutely beautiful, and I was baking, cleaning, decorating in full Martha mode the entire week before. I should have been on-guard. I had already been dealt a spiritual blow when I had stood in front of the card-rack at the store, trying to pick out a birthday card for our oldest son. Everything I read talked about how proud we were of the man he’s become. And I just could not bring myself to say that. I am not proud that he has chosen a homosexual lifestyle. So I chose a card that talked about memories.

And then he was on the local news.

But I realized that I was caring more about what other people thought. And that really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether or not anyone else questions if I’m taking a stand. My son knows I don’t approve of his lifestyle choice. What matters is that I continue to love him and minister to him and keep him in prayer before God.

And then he was the local news AGAIN.

The night before we were to pick up our other son at the airport.

The night before our daughter drove in.

Satan – trying to steal my joy. Trying to steal that sweet anticipation and sense of completeness that comes from a mother having all her chicks under her wings again – even for a little bit.

It was another reminder to ‘put on the full armor of God so I can stand strong against all the strategies and tricks of the enemy.’ (My paraphrase of Ephesians 6:11)