Nothing beats coffee with a friend

I finally got the courage to talk to one of my friends, face-to-face.

And she told me that if my son were to knock on her door, she’d welcome him with open arms. And she’d invite him in, and sit him down at her table and eat a meal with him.

Those were words that I needed to hear – that someone who has known my son for many, many years would still welcome him, would not turn her back on him.

And that night, another friend called and we went to coffee together. It was good. I talked to her, and was able to share some of my pain. She listened, without judging, to me express my anger, my disappointment, my hurt.

And she told me, bluntly, that I could not take any blame for my son’s lifestyle.

But…when I know that my son is looking for his soulmate, for the person who completes him, for the person he wants to share his life with, and he’s looking for that in another man, and not in a woman…how can I not wonder what it was that I did that makes him not want to seek love with a woman??? 

It’s  a rhetorical question – but an honest one. It’s what is going on inside me right now.